Status: Alone but not Lonely
One of highlights of the week was my talk with a friend and she asked me, “Alma, do you ever wish to have somebody again?”
If I’d say the thought never came to me, then I would be lying to you all. Ofcourse the thought came to me several times before and my answer to that is no. Primarily, I am just too preoccupied to even think if I’d want another man in my life. Suffice to say, with everything that needed to be done at home, work and with school, the thoughts of “getting me a man” doesn’t slip through often.
This thoughts usually come at night time when I am done with work and I am checking out Facebook to check on my friends and how they are doing. I see longtime friends smiling with their husbands or boyfriend’s arms around them. I feel happy to see their gleaming smiles.
Was I jealous? No. But I felt wistful. I think its the companionship and partnership that gets to me. Years ago, I had that life. I had felt the butterflies in the stomach. Getting goosebumps whenever he was near. Or feeling giddy whenever he calls out of the blue or comes home with flowers and unexpected gifts.
I knew the feeling of happiness, and felt the support of a husband years ago and I had relished it. Unfortunately, that life ended and I had mourned it. It took me 3 years to divorce myself emotionally from my husband. It took a year for me to completely detach my thoughts and psychological ties from my husband.
I am happy whenever I see couples huddled together. I smile when I see old couples walking side by side with their children. Perhaps the key to my survival is the fact that I know and recognize the fact that sometimes relationships end.
I actually think of myself as a widow. A woman who had lost a loved one by death. I had mourned that loss years ago. And from time to time I remember things about that life. Certain smell triggers the memory and it permeate through my thoughts. Some memories were bad, some were good. These are my memories. My experiences. I learned that to be able to survive and go through the hurdles is to embrace and recognize these memories. These are mine and mine alone. It has happened and it has brought me to where I am today.
Today, I am happy being alone. Yes, I am alone but I am not lonely. I have my moments, but hey, I know for a fact that life is not at all perfect! I dare not complain….
Read MoreFamily Crisis- Dad is Running Around with a Twenty Year Old
My father has just lost my mother almost a year ago. She finally succumbed to a lifelong problem of heart ailment. Weeks ago, a cousin from another town came to visit me and told me they had seen my father holding hands with a young girl… I was shocked but managed to curb my reaction and laughed it off. I completely forgot about the story until my brother came around on my birthday and informed me we have something important to discuss.
What the heck…
My brother did confirm that our father is indeed enamored with a young girl who works at a local bar. According to locals, the girl is a only over twenty and has been seen to hang around with my father. I told him that our father is hardly senile and can still venture on his own. What scares me is the fact that since alot of people are so against the relationship, they might end up holding out strong as our disapprovance can turn to a “you and me against the world kind of thing.” And days after my brother castigated our father, I was proven right as the decadent relationship continue until today and my father has not heed my brothers’ advise.
Now, what do you think? As children, do we have the right to control and meddle in our parents affairs especially when they seem to be influenced by untoward individuals? Do you think a younger woman can actually fall for a man who is old enough to be her grandfather? What would motivate a young woman to seek a man to whom she has more than 50 years age difference?
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