My good friend Emma and family invited my children and myself to the beach to celebrate the New Year. It was fun and the children loved the day spent at the beach. I contributed and bought fresh fish for grilling. The day went and by with me hearing my children’s laughter.

Twas a good day to begin the year…

I took the children to the beach last Saturday. The day was special because it was a surprise… I cooked it up the other day after the local electric company announced that there will be a 4 hour brownout on Saturday. So rather than kill myself in a house devoid of the fan and other entertainment, I planned to take the kids out to the local beach.

Nothing fancy really… just plain, gray, sandy beach.

My son Ty turned 3 today. Not only that, today marked the 1st year death anniversary of my mother. And hey, today also marked the 1st year since we came home to the Philippines to start life anew.

Today, a day so important to me and my children.

It would be my mom’s first death anniversary next month, and needless to say, since most of my siblings are out of the country, I will be taking charge of the arrangements since my father is preoccupied with someone.  Darn!

Since my mother is Catholic and religious, I thought that it would be appropriate to follow her belief and practices with concern to the remembrance of her death.  This would mean, the usual 9-day novena, then the big feast on the day itself– 27th November– a very important day for me as well as this is the day my children and I had travelled back to the Philippines and this is also the day my only son Ty was born.  He will be 3 on this day too.

The 9 day novena would entail praying for the soul of my mother for a straight 9 days in my house.  I am expected to serve dinner and snacks to anybody who is joining the prayers.  Since 9 days is a long day, I am thinking of buying a pig for slaughtering so we could use the meat for the entire 9 days, including the major day itself.  I would need to prepare a meal plan to avoid mispending and stress during the novena days.  I am also hiring a cook to prepare the food, as well as contacting the prayer leader and the church to schedule a special mass for my mother on the big day.

My younger sister Amy is helping me financially since she is unable to come for the anniversary.  Needless to say, I am thankful that she is able to shell out some cash so there are no hitches on mama’s anniversary.  My sister in law Luchie is helping me with the preparation for the items for the offertory and the reading.

Since everything is on planning stage, I would appreciate any suggestion, feedback and ideas on the novena and celebration of death anniversaries.  A neighbor actually suggested I skip the 9 day novena and then just make the 27th a whole day affair.  What do you think?

My father has just lost my mother almost a year ago. She finally succumbed to a lifelong problem of heart ailment. Weeks ago, a cousin from another town came to visit me and told me they had seen my father holding hands with a young girl… I was shocked but managed to curb my reaction and laughed it off. I completely forgot about the story until my brother came around on my birthday and informed me we have something important to discuss.

What the heck…

My brother did confirm that our father is indeed enamored with a young girl who works at a local bar. According to locals, the girl is a only over twenty and has been seen to hang around with my father. I told him that our father is hardly senile and can still venture on his own. What scares me is the fact that since alot of people are so against the relationship, they might end up holding out strong as our disapprovance can turn to a “you and me against the world kind of thing.” And days after my brother castigated our father, I was proven right as the decadent relationship continue until today and my father has not heed my brothers’ advise.

Now, what do you think? As children, do we have the right to control and meddle in our parents affairs especially when they seem to be influenced by untoward individuals? Do you think a younger woman can actually fall for a man who is old enough to be her grandfather? What would motivate a young woman to seek a man to whom she has more than 50 years age difference?

My daughter Ia turned 1 today.

I will never forget the time when I gave birth to her.  I was in the ambulance on the way to a hospital in one of the provinces of Thailand.  It was the fastest birth for me ever!  Took me 15 minutes I think…

I finally got the money to buy a simple sofa for our living room. It is red leatherette for easy cleaning and it was not expensive. Along with the 3 seater sofa, I got 2 singles, a coffee and console table. I also bought a bamboo floor mat and it all tied up so well. I have yet to accessorize, but I am thinking of not overdoing it since there are children in the house. The coffee table was made of nice solid wood and the glass was framed and I tested the furniture and put down my almost one year old baby and she walked comfortably around the living room. Touching and looking at the sofa with a smile… My big girls showed their approval by yelping and asking me if they could invite friends over now.

All the furniture were bought from Mandaue Foam. My sister in law recommended the place and I was amazed with the variety of furniture at affordable prices. Their service was great and the items were all delivered at our rural seasidescape the next day. Since the house did not have a very nice wall finishing, I has intended to use the sofa as the focal point of the room and I think I have achieved a cohesive blend with the floor– the mat and the tables… nice…The new furniture even went well with our tacky new curtains!!

Mandaue Foam is conveniently located infront of Limketkai Mall, Cagayan De Oro. They also have branches in Manila, Bacolod and Cebu.

Photos courtesy of Mandaue Foam.  Photos of sofa to come…

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…You may suffer bereavement, but life does not stop. It goes on…

Satyajit Ray (1921-1992), Indian Film Director, Deliverance.

It would be my brother’s 6th year death anniversary on the 25th. It has been awhile since I have thought of him, but death has been discussed recently and unlike some people I have become comfortable discussing death with my children.

Joemen, my brother died at the age of 42. He died from myocardial infarction (heart attack). We all never saw it coming. It came and took him while he was traveling to Manila for an official business meeting. Diabetes, hypertension and heart disease is nothing new to us. But Kuya was strong as an ox! He was robust and had problems with his cholesterol level and blood sugar. While traveling, the infarction came mildly. He experienced tightness in the chest, lightheadedness and headache. No one suspected mild infarction, but being with doctors, they suggested he go down to Makati Med Emergency Room for a check up and he died the next day. What made this day remarkable to me was the fact that I was there beside him when he died. Him dying and expiring never came to me, event then I remembered wondering why he was in the ICU for a routine check up. He called me at home and asked me to visit him. We picked up his wife in the airport then we went to see him at Makati Med. I think an hour or so during our visit, he died.

Right now, in this moment, I can still remember his face. How it lit up when he saw us. How his chest suddenly lifted off the bed then the machines beside him started to beep intermittently. The beeping was so loud and I remembered all the nurses rushing in and more machines were pushed in the room. We were ordered to leave the room, and my sister in law and I peered through the crack on the door, so scared to even think and consider the unthinkable. Forty-five minutes after, he was pronounced dead.

My oldest brother was my favorite. Somehow he knew what to give us for our birthdays, and during Christmas– bears, Mickey Mouse watches, numerous Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys series… Every weekend he would come around the house with his wife, his girl friend and he would drive us around his car and it would really make our day. He was my defender when our father was cross with me. He was our source of laughter as his sense of humor was fantastically clever.

Tomorrow, as his death anniversary comes, we will remember Kuya as a person so full of life. We will remember all the good things he has done for us. One thing is for sure he will always be remembered with a smile… I love you Kuya, wherever you are…

It’s been awhile since my last post, I know. I have been experiencing constant headache including body aches. I am exhausted and I am scared of burning myself out. I have no one else to turn to and my body screams for rest everyday.

I am also sleep deprived. My daughter Pascalis who has her own bed started sleeping again with me– now all 4 children sleeps with me on one queen-sized bed. Talk about sardines all lined up… It’s a wonder I get back, shoulder pain just because it is so uncomfortable on the bed. I wonder if I should just sleep on her bed with my youngest…

I missed going to the gym. The physical exhaustion brought by carrying a baby and a toddler is beginning to take its toll on me. Not only that, I am also responsible with the cooking, washing and cleaning of a three-bedroom house. I wish the maid is here already. I cannot wait to put my foot up once in a while…

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Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies. Nobody that matters, that is.

Edna St. Vincent Millay (1892-1950), U.S. Poet

I had a very interesting night. My second daughter asked me a striking question. “Will I die also?” Ofcourse the question did not come out just like that. It started with the conversation about rats and how we needed to keep our house clean so rats will not feast on our crumbs in the kitchen and bedroom (as my children has the habit of taking bread, biscuits and whatever snacks inside the room).

Then the other day, we were welcomed by a dead rat in our living room. It was a sorry sight. We shrieked first then I needed to clean it out, so I took the dustpan and swept the dead rat into it and threw the rat in the garbage pile. It was not very difficult to explain the death of the rat since it was obvious that the cat did it because there were puncture wounds on its body. I explained the possible circumstance and the children accepted it. Until—

Anyway, while we were getting ready for bed, she asked me, “Will I be in high school or college when I get old?” So I said, technically that would not be old, but you would have aged more then. Then, she asked, “But will I die when I get old?” I was stunned for awhile and choosing my words carefully I said “You actually do not have to be old to die. Because some people actually die young.” Then she suddenly started crying and saying, “I do not want to die, Mom.” I was shocked, and I hugged her and then she said, “God, please I do not want to die.”

I said, “Nobody is dying, Ba-ba.” My children has actually experienced death recently as my mom has passed away last November. Though my children had not been in the funeral, they are very much aware of death in the family, as my brother had also passed away years ago. I thought, “Now, how do I explain this to a child?” I mustered enough courage and said, “If we take care of ourselves, and no accidents happened, we will not die.” I also added, “Everybody WILL die. Mommy will die, Daddy will die, one day.” She wailed and I wanted to take my words back, but thought, “What the heck? Let her hear about death from me, rather than from others.” I said, “we certainly cannot control everything in our lives, ba-ba. Sometimes, people die because of illnesses… like Lola, who died because of heart complications, or Uncle, because he smoked alot and it gave him alot of problems and he died because of that.” “Also Daddy’s Dad died of old age, but he has been sickly for a long time…”

She quieted, and she listened intently. I was stroking her face as I explain along, and while my oldest daughter listens quietly. I also stressed the importance of taking care of ourselves by eating the right food, and avoiding circumstances that might lead to death or accidents. Or even taking proper medications so we will not become too ill. She then asks me, “Mom, do not let me die.” I cried then and told her, “Baba, I will try my best.”

Looking back to my exchange with my little one, I thought I was right and I was very open to her about the aspect of death. I am happy she had voiced out her questions to me that meant to me that my daughter trust me enough for her to ask about the subject of death. I had to think back hard if I had the same experience as a child. So far, I cannot remember any instance that I had asked, but my experience was different. I was not exposed to death, when I was young. My brother died a few years ago. My mother died months ago. My husband’s dad and sister died a few years ago also. So the subject of death came early in our family. I think though it is morbid, but death will always be a part of living. It is a part of life and no matter how much we try to avoid death, it will come, and when it will, most of the time, the people who mattered to us will not be ready at all…