Posts made in September, 2009
How to I Dealt with Death in the Family
I have just received news that the mother of my friend Melba has just passed away. I sincerely know how she feels right now. This news brings back memories when my own mother died two years ago. Not only that, this reminds me of the death of my older brother Joemen almost 5 years ago. Death of a family member is not new and for the longest time, I can say that the feeling of loss eventually fade but the memories linger.
I hardly remember my mother now. But certain things, a smell, food, and certain sound triggers some memories and I am reminded of her. How she smiles, how she laughs and the food she cooks.
She died of pneumonia which was caused by her heart ailment. She has endured an open heart surgery at the age of 32 as well as a lifetime of paralysis. Her last months on earth was not very comfortable. She spent months in the hospital shivering and whimpering and as my older brother said, she spent hours hanging to her cellphone hoping she’d receive a phone call from me and my sister.
During that time she was in pain, I was also undergoing one of the most painful times of my life. I never knew she was dying, and when my children and I were on our way back home, and in transit in Bangkok, she had quietly passed away. Looking back, I sort have understood and taken this as a sign that she knew I was coming home and on my own way to recovery from a very painful separation from my husband and the breakup of a seven year marriage.
I dealt with the death of my mother swiftly, knowing and recognizing the fact that death was inevitable and that she was finally home on the other side. Do I believe in heaven and the concept of life ever after. No. Although born and raised by staunch Catholics, I believe that death is a finality and end of life.
My brother’s death was sudden. He died at the age of 42. His death was more painful to me than my mother’s since he was healthy and all of a sudden had myocardial infarction while on a meeting with colleagues. He even called me hours before he died. Demanding me to see him at Makati Medical Center, and to bring food. Looking back, I thought it was hilarious and was laughing as I prepared a cake for him the next day and my husband and I picked up his wife, Luchie who was on her way from Mindanao to see her husband who when we got to Makati Medical Center was already in ICU and was not expected to live. I was in shocked but the thought of death never came to me.
He died with me, my daughter, his wife and my husband on his side. He made one long gasp for air and died. His chest went to high up and he sort of reached up for some invisible hand. He died peacefully and I was in shock and saw the grief and look of his wife, Luchie and I can only imagine the pain she felt.
While the death of Joemen was unexpected, my mother’s death was a gift. Her death has finally ended her physical pain. Her death has brought her relief and to the people who was looking after her.
So how did I get over the deaths in my family?
Acceptance eventually come. Handling grief is the most painful hurdle. Transition difficult and painful. I handled some of the death arrangements. I took care of her things and which of her things to give away. I kept some of her things, but I eventually gave her clothes to charity and her bags and shoes to relatives who wanted them. Parting away with the material things she held valuable and kept was not very easy for my father. He wanted to keep everything. I had to wrangle and rationalize with him that while my mother’s things give him comfort, the fact remains that he had to deal with her death one way or the other. The fact remains that she is now gone and we are still alive and we needed to continue living. She would have wanted us to keep going on and it gives a smile on my face whenever I am reminded of her funny laughter and her addiction to telenovelas.
I treasure my memories. My mother has been through so much pain and adversity. I teach my children about the normalcy of death and how it can come swiftly to people who are healthy and young.
Don’t forget that you are still alive and you need to focus on the tasks at hand. I remember that when my mother died, my father seemed to have lost his purpose. Once he has accepted the death and the finality of Mama’s death, he managed to move on with his life now and continues to enjoy life without her.
Think about it this way, if your parent was still alive, would she or he want you to do this on yourself. Most likely not. Life went on for me, and the death of a love one is just one painful episode in your life. The loss feeling of loss will fade and you will eventually find and refocus your life once you have accepted the death of a loved one.
Death is part of life and it comes and it goes. Life goes on for those left on earth and it might be unbelievable for those who has just lost a loved one, but we eventually will feel better. The pain will cease and the memories of pain will come to bay and eventually fade.
Read MoreDo you Tweet?
I noticed that I hang around Twitter longer each day. When I wake up, I like checking @Inquirerdotnet for local news that I might have missed during the time I was snoring away…
I really do not care who is following me because I have seem to attract enough Internet Marketers and spambots that I stopped wondering who my followers are. For some reason, some felt it is interesting to follow my tweets, but I like following my favorite Twitterfolk.
As I continue to tweet and retweet information which I think were worth retweeting and relevant, I can now understand what @davewiner has said about the importance of real time information and how it is important for blogging to join in the foray of the release of real time information now or be obsolete.
It was amazing how I have watched and lurked @davewiner, @Om, @Scobleizer and the honcho of WordPress himself @photomatt discuss the future of blogging as it rides and innovates along with Twitter, Facebook and FriendFeed.
Weeks ago, I have asked my Twitter friends why they tweet and their answers were:
@abeolandres- famed local blogger, entrepreneur and founder of Yugatech.com, he tweets because its saves him more money. It is amazing how some people use Twitter like SMS messaging– another way to communicate and send messages, not just to the person himself, but this message will go along the stream of real time messages, thereby reaching other people who may or may not be interested of the exchange.
For businessman, @magnotti, who is part owner of @TryBPO, he uses Twitter because it is quick and easy, especially with programs like Seesmic. As a business owner, @TryBPO uses Twitter to send and share information about the benefits of outsourcing and how affordable it is.
According to big time blogger, Connie Veneracion also known as @sassylawyer, “what’s too short for a blog entry goes into Twitter.” For mom blogger and business owner, @brandyellen, “twitter allows me to connect on amore personal 1-1 way with bloggers and pros in a way Facebook cannot.”
Just imagine us cramming some cohesive message into 14o characters! Just imagine the power of real time information running through Twitter! I can only imagine what the servers of Twitter looked like. In time, Twitter will be as big as Google… In the end, I agree with @MarieisRukia that “Twitter is a faster, simpler way of sharing and getting information with less fuss and minus the crap we don’t need.”
So, why do you tweet?
Read MoreHow to Orient a Housemaid Successfully and Effectively
I have just hired a stay in household last week and I spent 2 days orienting her on the scope of work. This is very important to household helpers especially here in the Philippines. We can certainly avoid misunderstanding as well as misconceptions by giving a very descriptive scope of work.
So how descriptive can you go?
I am talking about a list of daily tasks including other details like frequency and the expected result. All these years, I have learned that as employers, we needed to be frank, honest and downright demanding with our hired help. We needed to let our expectations known right away. For example, we needed to create the a focus for our household help. This way, she can effectively address and prioritize her tasks. With me and my children, I have informed my househelp that her focus is meal preparation as well as cleaning and running small errands.
You might have to include explaining her viewing rights if you have a television. Some employers are not comfortable with the househelp using their electronic appliances. I used to have a maid who doesn’t care much about television but loves to listen to the radio once in a while. Let your househelp know which appliances are off limits. My current maid has made the silliest request ever the other day when she asked me if I would allow her to use my computers so she can have an account with Friendster. I was so shocked and I retorted “Day, sorry, hindi puede… ever!” You might have to blatant about things in your house especially when there are instances when hire help seem to think they are close to you and they can do whatever they want.
You should also include the big don’ts list inclusing guidelines on cellphone use and use of household telephone if you have one. Let her know if she is not allowed to make local, domestic and international calls. If you are not comfortable on letting househelp picking up your calls, let her know and get yourself an answering machine! 
When it comes to my maids or house help, I only allow them to receive calls from immediate relatives. I also prohibit excessive text messaging and cellphone use from 8-11 am and 4-7pm. It is indeed annoying to see your househelp toting their cellphones like life lines around the house. Not only that, constant text messaging distracts them from doing their work.
Let your househelp know all possible scenarios including all basis for expulsion. Lying, not being on time and constant violation of rules will be tantamount to dismissal. Boundaries are important and your patience will be tested on a daily basis. When I see a promising househelp and she passes my initial screening, I like preparing Terms of Reference written in her own dialect. I suggest discussing every bullet point with the hire help. I also like to include a clear list of the benefits in the TOR as well. In my case, I usually offer medical assistance to her, including dental coverage. I also take care of her toiletries to ensure that she is hygienic and up to my standard when it comes to personal cleanliness.
On the last part of the TOR, I explain and expound her salary, including payday schedule and other benefits like 13th month pay and Christmas Bonus. I also like to include terms in case she wished to make cash advances. Terms of payment and acceptable reasons for cash advances must be explained to the letter to avoid misunderstanding.
After the blow by blow and point by point discussion, it would be an advantage if you could provide your househelp a copy of the TOR for her reference. Not only that, I suggest you let her sign each bullet point to ensure she understands each one of them. This will later help you avoid future headache and hassles.
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