Posts made in August, 2009

Status: Alone but not Lonely

Posted by Alma on 24 Aug 2009 in Being Alive, Marriage, Relationships | 6 comments

One of highlights of the week was my talk with a friend and she asked me, “Alma, do you ever wish to have somebody again?”

If I’d say the thought never came to me, then I would be lying to you all. Ofcourse the thought came to me several times before and my answer to that is no. Primarily, I am just too preoccupied to even think if I’d want another man in my life. Suffice to say, with everything that needed to be done at home, work and with school, the thoughts of “getting me a man” doesn’t slip through often.

This thoughts usually come at night time when I am done with work and I am checking out Facebook to check on my friends and how they are doing. I see longtime friends smiling with their husbands or boyfriend’s arms around them. I feel happy to see their gleaming smiles.

Was I jealous? No. But I felt wistful. I think its the companionship and partnership that gets to me. Years ago, I had that life. I had felt the butterflies in the stomach. Getting goosebumps whenever he was near. Or feeling giddy whenever he calls out of the blue or comes home with flowers and unexpected gifts.

I knew the feeling of happiness, and felt the support of a husband years ago and I had relished it. Unfortunately, that life ended and I had mourned it. It took me 3 years to divorce myself emotionally from my husband. It took a year for me to completely detach my thoughts and psychological ties from my husband.

I am happy whenever I see couples huddled together. I smile when I see old couples walking side by side with their children. Perhaps the key to my survival is the fact that I know and recognize the fact that sometimes relationships end.

I actually think of myself as a widow. A woman who had lost a loved one by death. I had mourned that loss years ago. And from time to time I remember things about that life. Certain smell triggers the memory and it permeate through my thoughts. Some memories were bad, some were good. These are my memories. My experiences. I learned that to be able to survive and go through the hurdles is to embrace and recognize these memories. These are mine and mine alone. It has happened and it has brought me to where I am today.

Today, I am happy being alone. Yes, I am alone but I am not lonely. I have my moments, but hey, I know for a fact that life is not at all perfect! I dare not complain….

Change is Good

Posted by Alma on 22 Aug 2009 in Children, Family | 5 comments

I know I have neglected my blogs for awhile and the excuse is the same yes, blah, blah and blah…

Anyway, so far alot of things has happened recently.  We have moved homes and I am happy that after a quick house move, the kids had adjusted so quickly again.  This house is much closer to the school, and bigger in terms of space.  One of the nicest things about this house is the fact that it has high ceilings.  It also has several doors.  2 on the side and one on the front.  I found out that when 2 doors are opened, the house felt cozier and breezier.  One of the pluses is its location– a corner lot and even inside the house, I can feel the sea breeze coming in.

View from my work table...

Ventilation is great as well and I am looking forward to lesser electricity bill as we won’t have to use the electric fans 24/7 now.  I have also created my own work corner.  The location is good as well.  From my desk, I can see the people going inside the house and the gates.  I can also see the plants outside which is refreshing.

Thanks to the mahogany trees planted opposite the house, it has given the street including my porch a relaxing shade.  Hayy, this location is so conducive to sleeping and relaxation.  (:yawn: )

Alot of people are scared of change.  Since I have decided to move on with my life, I have adhered to the fact that the only thing that is scary about change is the fact that it is CHANGE.

It is hard to make a decision to change.  Ofcourse it is easy to utter the words, “I have change,” but come on be frank and upfront.  Change is hard and it is scary most specially to the process of change itself.  Change is good because this means another for starting over– let’s say “tabularasa.”

Change has given me back my freedom.  Change has given me peace of mind.

What about you?  How badly do you need change in your life?

Babies hanging on the doorway... how cute!

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