Family Crisis- Dad is Running Around with a Twenty Year Old

Posted by on Oct 27, 2008 in Family, Life Speak, Marriage, Relationships | 4 comments

My father has just lost my mother almost a year ago. She finally succumbed to a lifelong problem of heart ailment. Weeks ago, a cousin from another town came to visit me and told me they had seen my father holding hands with a young girl… I was shocked but managed to curb my reaction and laughed it off. I completely forgot about the story until my brother came around on my birthday and informed me we have something important to discuss.

What the heck…

My brother did confirm that our father is indeed enamored with a young girl who works at a local bar. According to locals, the girl is a only over twenty and has been seen to hang around with my father. I told him that our father is hardly senile and can still venture on his own. What scares me is the fact that since alot of people are so against the relationship, they might end up holding out strong as our disapprovance can turn to a “you and me against the world kind of thing.” And days after my brother castigated our father, I was proven right as the decadent relationship continue until today and my father has not heed my brothers’ advise.

Now, what do you think? As children, do we have the right to control and meddle in our parents affairs especially when they seem to be influenced by untoward individuals? Do you think a younger woman can actually fall for a man who is old enough to be her grandfather? What would motivate a young woman to seek a man to whom she has more than 50 years age difference?

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  • http://hortaleza.net Mai

    Wow a 50 year difference. I’ve never been there so I can’t say. Not many people want to grow old alone though (me included).

  • http://lifediscourse.wordpress.com Soul

    I have thought alot about this situation Mai, and he does have the right to choose whoever he wants but I have my fingers crossed and hope that this woman would be worth it, and is there for the long haul.

  • the warrior lawyer

    I would suggest a clear-headed, unemotional dialogue with your dad to express how you feel about the relationship without castigating him. Putting him on the spot won’t help and will only make him more defensive. Of course, I don’t know your dad and if he is the type to respond positively to an overture from his kids to discuss family matters and his own personal issues. But it’s best to deal with the situation as mature adults and not go overboard on the issue of propriety and “what will others say?”.

    My next advice is to make sure the family properties, specially land, your mom’s heirlooms etc. are secured. Maybe ownership of the more valuable ones can be transferred to you and your siblings. Your dad should see the wisdom of this even as he is probably in denial about the girl’s true motives. While there might even be some affection between the girl and him, the 50-year gap is just too big to bridge, and apart from some very immediate or superficial concerns, they have nothing in common. This is not going to be a long-term thing and there are many reasons why the girl hangs around your dad, from simple companionship to money. But from what I’ve seen as a life-long observer of human relationships, I doubt if it’s love.

    You should be there for him when the time comes that this situation unravels (which will come soon, I think) and not abandon him. No fault-finding or recriminations, just unconditional support and love. In the meantime, map out a strategy for damage-control, specially as regards the family’s financial assets.

    My two cents worth. Hope things work out for the best.

  • dnav

    I agree with the warrior lawyer’s advise but would like to ask what is the appropriate age difference?
    Maybe your Father felt an emptiness in his heart (Mom) and latched on to the first person that showed him a little compassion.
    When you talk to your father maybe you could speak with her too.
    By doing so, you may be able to come to a more informed decision about her intentions or her view of the relationship.
    What do you want for your father, find a loving way to tell him.

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